Letting go

It’s never an easy thing, the finance aspect of life, but it’s always there. Whether we like it or not, finances will always be one of the major focuses in life simply because we cannot get by without money of some sort. It doesn’t always have to be a lot, but the more your family grows, and the more our country changes, the more money we seem to need. It’s just the way it is. But, that does not mean it’s easy. Finances are difficult! You have to make sure your bills are paid on time, make sure you have food in your house, make sure you have a back up plan in case money is short, and it just goes on and on! So what happens when you get behind? What happens when you’re living paycheck to paycheck, and something gets behind? It’s not an easy thing getting back on track when you don’t have the resources to save up the resources in order to have a back up plan. So then what? You start selling things to get caught up? You work an extra shift?…. What if that’s not good enough? What then?

God has always been dealing with me on letting go of my problems and letting him be in charge. I don’t like not knowing if we’re going to have the money to pay bills one week. I like being in charge of my finances and knowing exactly how much is where. But being a paycheck to paycheck liver, I don’t get to do that! I don’t get to put extra away for emergency funds. I don’t get to have a cushion. So I have to put every ounce of faith I have in God, and trust him with everything we have. Let me tell you, that may seem easy and great and wonderful, but because I’m human, it’s most definitely not! It’s not easy at ALL to trust that, even though your bank says you’re not going to have enough to pay the bills, you’re going to be okay. It’s not wonderful seeing the negative amount in your bank more often than not. Even though you KNOW God has never let you down, and that there are people off worse than you, that fear of not having enough is always there taunting you and laughing at you. Satan loves to see fear and anger set in, and God wants to help you out of that hole! But that doesn’t mean it’s easy! Not one little bit.

So, here I am, stressing, fearful, angry once again. But where does that get me? No where except crying alone in a dark bedroom at night because I can’t see the future. All the while, God is there softly reminding me to just simply let it all go, and trust that he sees my future and that he knows exactly where I’m supposed to be. There he is, constantly reassuring me that he hasn’t let me fall yet, and that he doesn’t plan to any time soon. So why am I still afraid? Why do I still cry over numbers? Because I’m human. Because I can’t be perfect. Because the harder I try to let go and trust that God is always there for me, Satan is there also trying harder to push every little button I have that will trigger fear, anger, distrust, depression, self hate, and anything else he can find that will make me doubt my God. Letting go of something that has such a hold on your life is never going to be easy. Trust me, I’ve been struggling with it for years. I can’t tell you to “just let go” because I struggle with it myself still. But I can say to not ever stop trying. Don’t ever give up, and give it to God every time. I say that because it will continue to creep up on you and drive you insane. You will never be able to just hand it over once and have it all go away, but you can ALWAYS give it to God when it comes creeping back into your life…

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