Thanks for ruining me

  
Years ago, I used to imagine what it would be like to have children. I dreamed about their sweet little faces and having family time, but I never expected it to be like this. Before I had kids, my life was pretty good. I wasn’t a size 6 (heck, I wasn’t even a size 8), but I was in really good shape, had a fun job, did whatever I wanted, and it was awesome. I remember some nights, I would be up until 2am in a Netflix marathon, or writing papers for school, then waking up at 11am the next morning and being lazy just because. I remember hitting the beach every weekend with my girlfriends and family, and soaking up the sun at the local pool. I have pictures of my babe and I at Schlitterbahn before we got married, and man, have times changed. Life before kids? Yeah, I’m not gonna lie, I’d like one of those days back every once in a while. To look “hot” (somewhat) in a two piece, to sleep in…. Life before kids…. But, then I had Chloe.

Little did I know, when I would imagine having my own little darlings, that it would be OH so different. Little did I know that my kids would ruin me for the rest of my life. I am emotionally, physically, and mentally ruined. I cry every time my sweet Chloe wakes up from a nap and smiles at me with her puffy little sleep-filled eyes. My heart melts anytime my little chunk Kimberly sticks out that bottom lip when something scares her. Yes, I’m ruined emotionally. I will never EVER be able to read an article about a missing child without having to close it halfway through because I can’t even imagine if that were my babies. I can’t listen to “twinkle twinkle little star” without hearing it being sung in the back of my mind by a tired little 2 year old. I can’t go out for more than an hour without knowing that my babies are missing me, and hurting because I feel like I’ve abandoned them. My children have ruined me, physically. My “hot” bikini pre-mama body will never ever be back the way it was. I will forever have tiny marks on random places of my body proving that I once grew a tiny (or not so tiny) human inside of me. I won’t get to relive the day that I didn’t have stitches in unmentionable places. Oh my how my children ruined me, mentally. It will be many years before I am reminded how it feels to get a full nights sleep, because right now, I consider it a “full” nights sleep if the baby only woke up once and I’m up anytime after 7am. I won’t ever be back to the day where I didn’t worry about whether or not my kids were being brought up right. I don’t think I’ll ever mentally go back to before I couldn’t remember what I had to do for the day… 5 minutes after I wrote my list of to-do’s… that I can’t remember where I set down.  Yes, indeed, my kids ruined me emotionally, physically, and mentally. But, I am happier now than I have ever been in my life.

A friend of mine asked me today, “what is one thing you didn’t expect to happen once you had kids?”, and I said that I didn’t expect to be able to be so frustrated with someone, yet love them so much at the same time. Kids absolutely ruin you, but it’s in the best way possible. My heart is so full, more than I could ever have imagined, and I am surprised everyday at how much more love and emotions can continue to saturate me.

Children have a funny way of coming into your life and completely rearranging your plans, but because you are emotionally wrecked, you don’t even (can’t even) care. You will become a whole new you after having kids. Embrace it, every moment, because time flies so fast, and before you know it, your sweet little 8lb 5oz, 21in baby girl will be running around telling you no and getting in trouble. Before you know it, that little bundle of joy will be turning 2 and lighting fires inside of you that you didn’t even know could exist. Anger, joy, love, frustration… Just take it all in. Take a picture and hold onto those horrible moments, because one day, you will turn around and your sweet baby girl will be walking out the door to a new life’s chapter, and you will miss the talking back, naked toddler bath kisses, and sleepy eyed smiles of that little baby.
Don’t be afraid to let your children ruin you.

  

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To women, and only women… Period.

Before I go anywhere else with this post, I will be completely open with you and tell you that this post is about periods. Yes, aunt flo, the rushing red river of death, that period. So, if that bothers you, then go away now, bye bye, adios, later alligator! Okay, now that I have the rest of you here, let’s get going!

I’ll start by telling you that one of the many perks of being pregnant is the wonderful 9+ months “flo” free. It’s absolute bliss, it really is. No buying tampons or pads, no disgusting breakouts (unless you’re the unlucky pregnant type, then I’m sorry), no week of cramping, and best of all, no having to constantly be wondering if last weekend’s rendezvous is going to catch up to you in a few months. But like most good things, that must come to and end, and eventually that trashy aunt of yours will come to visit once again… that whore… and you will find yourself sitting on your couch indulging in delicious chocolate, wishing you had pan dulce, writing your blog (no I am most certainly NOT referring to myself!….), and hoping that it really is your period and not just implantation bleeding! No, I’m not pregnant, so don’t get your panties all in a wad, I just think it would be quite humorous and horrible at the same time. Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids, but I also like not having a basketball as a stomach for several months, then being in the worst pain in my life for 8 hours. The end result is amazing, but I can wait.

So, I’ll tell you why this topic was chosen. I was about to get a shower, and there it was. The dreadful pink. Aunt flo, not knocking, but putting her key (which she made herself) into the door and is quickly making her way in unannounced. You see it coming, and there’s nothing you can do but say “oh, hey there…. ya nasty… No, I did NOT miss you one bit!” Now, you might be wondering why I’m making such a big deal out of it, so let me clarify something. I have had one.. ONE period in three years! I got pregnant with Chloe in February of 2013. I had one period in September of 2014, and then got pregnant with Kimberly in early October of 2014…. It is now February 2016! So, I have gotten a little spoiled with not having to buy feminine products and such. My first thought when I saw this pink was “Oh I’m bleeding!…” and then I remembered I AM a female and that DOES typically happen once a month to normal women. Then I thought “oh… I’m bleeding… Maybe implantation? Oh I hope not…. But maybe it’s a scrape or something? no not down there.”. I had to come to terms with the fact that it’s a 99.9% chance that it’s my period, and there’s nothing I can do about it. So, here I am, sitting on my couch, slowly eating a block of Abuelita chocolate, and really wondering if the Panadaria down the street is still open so I can get some pan dulce. It’s a cruel irony that I would be trying to stay off of sugar this month, and this… THIS has to happen to ME! lol But, such is life…

So ladies, when you find yourself having your visit from your not so pretty, not so nice aunty flo, just remember, You’re not pregnant! (unless you’re trying to be, then I’m sorry), and you’re not broken! Also, it could be worse! I’ll leave that one open ended so that you can decide for yourself what could be worse lol 🙂 As for me, I’m going to go back to eating my chocolate and try to find some kind of something to stuff in my face. Bye now!

Sleep…

Some days, I find myself thinking about sleep and only sleep. Whether I got enough of it or not, and usually the latter, it’s constantly running through my mind. It’s strange how something that we do so easily can effect our lives with such greatness! This only gets more true as we have children, and I can testify to that any day.

     My oldest, Chloe, has never been a good sleeper. She was up every few hours at night as a baby, and even though she’s two now, we still have troubles. We constantly find her climbing in bed with us as 3am and making herself comfortable at our expense. Her little curly redheaded self will come climbing up our bed, and she will literally burrow herself in between us. But, she doesn’t like to be covered up, so she will kick all of the blankets off of herself, and because she’s in the middle, we lose our nice warmth as well. Then, she will shove me off of my pillow and snuggle up next to her daddy, who is a heater when he sleeps, and fall right back to sleep in a horizontal position with her feet in my back. It’s safe to say that I don’t sleep well when she gets up. But, to add on top of all of … Well, HER!, I still get up with the baby at night.

     Kimberly is completely opposite of her older sister. She takes multiple naps during the day, goes to sleep like a champ at night, and only gets up once at night (maybe) to eat. It’s great! Unless that one time is the third time you’ve had to get out of bed that night… But really, she’s great!

     After all of the ups and downs at night, my girls still manage to wake up bright and cheery at 8:00am, and I just want to roll away (far, FAR, away) and go back to sleep. We all know that luxuries like that don’t happen to us moms, so I end up running on a very broken 4-6 hours of sleep. So it makes sense why sleep is the only thing I can think of during the day. Napping is an option, but I’m never tired until about 6pm, then it hits me like a buffalo in a wild stampede! 

     Sleep…. You whore….